I had booked onto a tutorial with Jonathan for the 22nd thinking that I would have the majority of work complete, and I could go over anything that might be missing at this point - not the case. At all. SO far from it I could cry.
I had emailed asking if he wanted to cancel and if I could book onto a lunchtime slot Monday and, if that wasn't too late with the deadline being 1pm, double check I wasn't missing anything and still add it immediately after. When I didn't hear back I decided I'd best pause my panic-mode of working on the essay and jump into the zoom! Jonathan said another tutorial on Monday is fine, and let's still have a 10 minute catch up as to where I'm at anyway as he'd been reading through my blogs. Of course, as always if there's not a tutorial immediately after, it can never be just 10 minutes with me, and instead was an hour - I blame the ADHD!
This was a really productive talk though, especially as since that call with my mum too where I was feeling overwhelmed at where to start, I had only had the one tutorial regarding my research paper and not discussed my practical work - which considering the complete flip from my first year, further discussions on this definitely needed to happen.
Jonathan asked if there was a subconscious connection between my choices of materials and my personality experienced, aka using tape and constructing human forms in relation to my own experiences of chest binding. He asked if it was a negative or positive, when I talk about restricting and restraining, and I’d say it straddles the two. Its a positive in how it helps my gender presentation, but wearing a binder has caused permanent damage to my back and breathing, and at the time-out of wearing caused bruising. And then using trans tape caused acne as I would be wearing it 24 hour a for 7 days a week on average, and so depending on whether I went to the gym, how much I’d worked, how often I showered, this all effected how sore my chest was when I took the tape off.
Sellotape is designed for repair, to connect things, and almost like I’m abusing it by using it to restrict. And when creating the maps, to me it feel like I I’m drawing with tape, I don’t see it as creating a digital work, but rather mapping out a physical one.
What would happen if I were to take that physical method I to the day-to-say, like how I wanted to do with The Interactive Progressive Tube Map ? If I were to follow that pull away from the digital into hands on work again? Take it to significant locations, in a way that ties it back to my initial project with the animation, and layout parts of my gender journey in map form at the relevant locations?
Or if the location isn’t possible, I could shift the family room sofa as the flooring is white tiles? Or what about the cinema? A HUGE open space, black and read tiles, hours free in the mornings to use the space during term-time, and the creation of the maps would be recorded on CCTV, so if I picked my area right I could get a perfect view of the makings of them!
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